I don't ask much from my Halloween shows on daytime, generally because daytime soaps are usually the last thing I'm focused on come October 31st, even back in 2009 when Mitch surprised Jessica with Nash's hilariously grotesque rotting corpse (man, that was gnarly). To be totally honest, I was hip-deep in candy and horror movies for the length of All Hallows' Eve. I went out, saw Paranormal Activity 3, and braved the insane Halloween crowds down near Union Square; some of those costumed revelers came to play, let me tell you. And don't even try getting a Brooklyn-bound train after 10:00 or 11:00 p.m.! What a mess.
But hey -- in the aftermath, on the morning (okay, early afternoon) of November 1st, amidst the hangover and the upset stomach and the vague, nagging sense of mournful regret, I had something more waiting for me to cleanse the palate from October's orgy of harum-scarum and artificial sweeteners: OLTL's Halloween show, and the rest of the spooky-ooky or simply not-so-kooky goings-on in Llanview this week. And for my sins, I got back both the good and the bad: there was Jack in a forced new pairing and the continued whitewashing of Ford, yes, as well as the continued devolution of Brody into every Lifetime Original Movie stalker ever, but also a fabulous Cord and Tina reunion, some great callbacks to the past, and Todd doing some sort of "Sexy Werewolf" jazz. Sweet and salty: what goes better with Halloween?
So, yes, first off: Cord and Tina! In the stables! Naked! In the hay! Once more, what could be better? Nothing, that's what, why are you even asking me, God, sometimes it's like I don't know you at all. I can't remember the last time I've seen a Supercouple of a Certain Age get jiggy, much less outside the boudoir, so this was a pleasant surprise, and as always, Tina's hair was purr-fect. Andrea Evans and John Loprieno have still got it together, and I love, love, love that they're reuniting Cord and Tina before the show leaves ABC to see to it that all is right in Llanview.
So Tina gave up Victor's ill-gained money (I still don't buy that retconned copout on Victor's will) -- with a hilarious degree of difficulty -- and traded fortune for love. Besides, Cord's loaded. Character development with use of history! And the look on Clint's face when he witnessed their coupling was priceless. By the way, whatever happened to C.J. and Sarah? Is C.J. still on an aircraft carrier in the Indian Ocean? Seriously, that's the last we heard. Seven or eight years ago. At least Gabrielle is coming back! God, I love Fiona Hutchison so much; I can't wait to see her opposite Andrea Evans once more, though I assume Gabby will be a ghost and not alive and well, as she should be. Thanks, Michael Malone.
Almost as faboo as the Lord-Roberts reunion was the callback to Tina and Cord's past with her recollection of her "I Take Thee, Cord" wedding to Max, although this time, poor, increasingly crazy Brody is in the role of Max, and I doubt it'll end nearly so well for him. Brody's strutting around, ordering John out of Natalie's life while half the ladies in town have to practically text McBain to death to get him to make a move. I give up on the guy, honestly, but Natalie isn't that much better at the moment, burying herself in this ill-gotten union that clearly is not going to work out.
I don't know what else I can say about this Baby Liam mess at this point -- it's gone on forever, everyone has to behave like a depressed teenager or a psycho or an idiot to make it work, and I just wish Natalie could meet some nice marine biologist or something. Poor Brody, too -- he's probably back to the cracker barrel after this. And then there's Jessica and Ford -- ugh. Besides the fact that Clint let Saint Bobby off entirely too easy this week, I still can't tolerate them, even with the addition of Princess David Vickers into their shenanigans. Hopefully Jess is finally about to do the right thing as per Liam, but even then she's still stuck with Ford. Lord help her.
Then we had Cutter, "Stacy" (come on, do I have to call her that? We all know it's Gigi!), and the rest. Mama, no. Just no. This is just marking time at this point. Oh, she sees Shane, she feels bad, she won't be a part of it! Oh, Rex hates Stacy, what will he do when he finds out "she's" alive? What will become of poor, boring Krubstinebrey (my smoosh-name for Aubrey/Kristine -- I wish they'd just stick to calling her Kristine, people) and her newfound passion for Prince Rex? Why do I care? I don't. I don't care. I mean, sure, the whole masquerade on Halloween thing is nice, but it's not like we have an Olympia Buchanan-sized cliffhanger to drop on this affair like back in the day. When I can guess the plot beats five movements ahead, I tend to lose interest, even though I quite dig Josh Kelly and, off to the side of the storyline, Shenaz Treasury and Nick Choksi.
I still don't get the Clint and Viki reunion either. Kim practically got yanked off the show like a bad act at Showtime at the Apollo without even playing much of this triangle with the three, and all that's standing in Clint and Kim's way are these tricked-up "letters." Sure, Clint and Viki love each other, they always will, but I'm not seeing the abiding passion yet, no matter how many characters say so -- I still see Clint yearning for Kim, and when she was around, vice versa. What might have been! Sigh.
Oh, and then there was the Destiny story, which continues to move at the speed of death. Grateful to be one of the few members of the R&B supergroup that Beyoncé and her parents didn't fire, Destiny's Child continues to incubate in her mother's belly, replete with advice from everyone from Marcie to Nora, yet again, who won't seem to leave her alone. Oy. When will Matthew wake up? I'll take a date. Give me a date. This is ponderous.
But let's talk about things that are more fun! Todd! The werewolf who's come for some sugar! Unfortunately, in classic fashion, Todd had a bit of trouble psyching himself up to lay it on the line for Blair, and instead poured his heart out to some pumpkins, plus his hellish visions of "Evil Irene, Halloween Witch" and Victor's murder didn't help things any. Now we have Tomas swooping in to play Nookieblocker Jones, Sex Detective, and I have to say, it's not his best look. He can claim it's "for Téa" all he likes, but once again, we have him all up on Blair. "Who killed Victor? I must find out!" They've mangled this character's story with Blair, and he deserves a better shot at a real story, because it's painfully clear Todd is all about Blair despite his trauma, and Blair is all about Todd despite her fears and trepidation. Making Tomas their forced obstacle isn't going to work for any of them.
I am glad to see homeless Louie alive, mind you, but I wasn't too keen on him suddenly suspecting Todd. This feels a bit like a setup to me, and I just think there were more organic ways to prolong the intrigue with Tomas, Irene, and the past of the two Todds than the way they have gone about messing with the "Who Killed Victor" arc. First Todd might've shot his brother, then he didn't, then he really did, they swear, but we all totally know he didn't, right? So again, as with "Stacy's" return, what's the point? Isn't there some other avenue in this umbrella storyline that drama can be milked from? I'm just saying.
In other Lord-Manning news, Téa might be pregnant; this is my utter lack of surprise. I hope she is -- there's high drama in another Lord baby, much less the spawn of Victor Lord...Junior. It would set up two great warring dynasties for decades to come. Oh, and apparently Jack is still -- still! -- pissed, and I can't believe Todd complimented his headlines. Now they're apparently going to try to smack Jack together with Neela, Vimal's kid sister, and the actress seems quite all right, and they even have a fair bit of chemistry in my opinion, but Andrew Trischitta is not up for this. Not in the shape Jack's character is in right now, and not with his current level of acting ability. Work on fixing Jack overall and improving Trischitta, or recast him. No one's going to care about a teen romance for Jack just yet, at least I don't, even if they go all bi and it turns out Jack's secretly lusted after Shane all along and that's why he bullied him (that would make a lot of weird sense with some of those scenes). Neela seems like a decent addition, though. Welcome!
All in all, a mixed bag for Halloween, but I for one enjoyed a fair amount more sweets than sour, and I think a good time was had by all. Sure, there's always some chaff in the goodie bag, but they can't all be Hershey's Kisses or Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. Come to think of it, I'd better go see if we have any left. See you next time, kids, and I hope you all survived your spooky Halloween.
Michael
